


Illegally Cute

by Bronzeflower



Category: Gravity Falls, Over the Garden Wall (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Drunk Dipper Pines, Flirting, I'm Sorry, I'm so sorry, M/M, Murder, Serial Killer, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:31:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8546257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bronzeflower/pseuds/Bronzeflower
Summary: Dipper tries to fight someone because they were too cute





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry in advance. And I probably should be working on Silva Salto instead of spending my time writing these sorts of things, but you know what? I'll get to it. It may take a while for the next chapter to be up, but I'm trying my best

He was cute. Really cute. So very cute. So very unashamedly, illegally, cute. He had messy brown hair and eyes that almost glowed. His smile was awkward and shone like the full moon. He seemed shy, and he was wearing mismatched shoes. Overall, a guy that looked really nice and extraordinarily cute.

Dipper was going to fight him.

Dipper might have been having a drinking contest with his sister and was very drunk, so this probably wasn’t the best of ideas.

But you know what? That guy was incredibly adorable, and it was pissing Dipper off.

“Where ya goin’, Dip-Dops?” Mabel asked as Dipper got up from his seat.

Dipper barely heard her, too busy focusing on his mission.

“Hey! You!” Dipper shouted, and the cute guy looked surprised.

“M-me?” The guy questioned, and god damn it, that stutter was absolutely, sickeningly adorable as well.

“Yeah! You!” Dipper affirmed. “Fight me!”

“Wh-what?” The guy was looking worried at this point, but his friend looked ready to fight.

“Hey! What business do you have with Wirt?” His red-headed friend balled up her fists. “I know for a fact that this guy wouldn’t even hurt a fly!”

“Shut up!” Dipper shouted. “I just want to fight him!”

“Dipper! For fuck’s sake!” Mabel stormed over to where Dipper was. “You’re drunk!”

“I know that!” Dipper said. “So are you!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Mabel frowned. “But that doesn’t mean you have to fight every person you find cute!”

“How else am I supposed to talk to them?” Dipper inquired.

“Just go up and say hi like a normal person!” Mabel sighed and turned toward Wirt. “I’m so sorry that my brother tried to fight you.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” The red-head said. “You mean to tell me that this guy tried to fight my friend because he thought Wirt was cute?”

“Y-yes?” Dipper responded.

“You could have just talked to me, you know.” Wirt said. “I’m Wirt, by the way.”

“Uh, I’m, uh, fuck, um…” Dipper stuttered, not sure how to respond to the cute guy talking to him.

“This is Dipper.” Mabel saved his ass. “He thinks you’re cute.”

“Ah, well, um.” Wirt’s face was flushed. “Maybe me and Dipper could talk a bit by ourselves?”

“Oh!” Mabel’s eyes widened. “Alrighty then. So long as all you guys do is talk.”

“Mabel!” Dipper’s face turned red.

“I’m joking! I’m joking!” Mabel laughed. “But seriously. I’ll check up on you guys.”

“Wirt? Are you sure you’re okay just talking to a guy who tried to fight you?” The red-head asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I promise, Beatrice. I’ll be fine.” Wirt grabbed Dipper’s hand and dragged him out of the bar to a more secluded area without any people.

“Sorry.” Wirt apologized. “I don’t really like crowds that much, and I needed to get out of there for a little bit.”

“That’s understandable.” Dipper looked up. “The sky is pretty tonight.”

“Yeah, it is.” Wirt agreed. “Question. Do you still want to fight me?”

“Maybe a little bit. Why?” Dipper questioned and suddenly a knife was at his throat.

“Shame I have to kill you.” Wirt grinned. “You were cute.”

Wirt slit Dipper’s throat and immediately went to hide the body.

Once he hid the body, he looked over himself.

“Very little blood spill. That’ll make this easier.” Wirt muttered to himself. He double and triple-checked to make sure any and all evidence couldn’t be found.

Wirt made his way back to the bar.

“Hey, Wirt!” Mabel greeted. “Where’s Dipper?”

“He was feeling tired, and he was also drunk, so I decided to take him home.” Wirt said. “I could take you home as well, if you wanted me to.”

“Nah. That’s alright. Thanks for the offer though. I was just getting to know Beatrice!” Mabel stated. “And thanks for taking my brother home. He was a bit more drunk that usual.”

“All in a day’s work.” Wirt grinned.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm both laughing and crying at the same time. This pained me to write, but, by golly, it had to be written.


End file.
